Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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