so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The air was thick with penises
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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