you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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