is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
