I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
