he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
