listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
