do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
