My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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