so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
