smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
