A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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