I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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