Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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