She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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