i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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