There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
