I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
