the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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