I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
