My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
