don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
