I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
