you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just pee around me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
