I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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