she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
