Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
