all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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