I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You're like the curious george of whores
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
