i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
