in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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