Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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