Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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