They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
