shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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