Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
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I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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