my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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