sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
