Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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