it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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