She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
