It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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