I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
