why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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