Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize