Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
