Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
