I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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