very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
