as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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