Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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