I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
