would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
