ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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