would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
