so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
