i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
