my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
