Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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