From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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