Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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