It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
