Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
