careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
