Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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