i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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