Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
