I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I fill condoms, not promises.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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