He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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