You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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