If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
