pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
