He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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