i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize