shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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