my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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