i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
