Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
