you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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