So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
