I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
