Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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